Jodie-Louise, a diary blog. In which I ramble.

I told you exactly how I felt about you basically kicking me to the curb, you apologised and promised me that, that wasn’t the case.

I call bullshit.

What effort have you made since? Jack shit that’s what. You may have asked me if I was going out one night, we bumped into one another in town. But have you called? Have you honestly asked how I am, how I am doing? Have you asked to meet me, made plans or responded to mine?

Have you fuck.

I’m done bothering. I’ve tried and I’ve tried.

Nice knowing you.  

I can’t even begin to explain my current thought processes. 

My doctor clearly thinks thiat I am crazy, I go there complaining of lower stomach pains and lack of sleep because of it and what do they do? Tell me that it’s obviously stress causing it and they perscribe me what we like to call happy pills. Thanks.

I thought I was fine and all the doctor has done is gone and made me feel 100% worse about myself. 

I guess it could be worse, I could be dying. 

A week I will never forget

This week has been a little all over the place at some points it felt like it was never going to end and others I just wanted it to be over. I booked this week off of work a long time ago, no reasons other than the fact I had three weeks to take before April. And I don’t think I could have picked a better week. 

I think I’ll start with the bad, any of you who know where I work will know instantly that this week in particular hasn’t been the best for me. It’s been one hell of an emotional ride, so far I am still very lucky but an awful lot of some of the greatest people I have met lost their jobs this week and it’s been painful to watch happen. Fortunately I wasn’t actually at work but it’s just as bad having to take a step back and find out what is going on via twitter or the news. You just never know what is going to happen one day from the next. From sending stock to one store one day then going there the nest to find it’s doors closed is simply heartbreaking after meeting wonderful people. Enough about that though, it’s not been the only thing dragging me down. 

This week my mother, who I have spoken about before, had her operation. It has been the scariest things knowing that whilst I am out or at home my mom has been in an operating theatre and we’ve no idea how it is going. Seeing my mom is all of this pain recently got to me real bad. Yes the operation was a success…so far. It’s just a matter of hanging in there now - seeing how it goes. 

In better news I have spent my week of with some brilliant people, one in particular who became my friend in weird circumstances I suppose. Sunshine, beers, friends and parks (also a beach) is something that can never go wrong, well, or so you would think! Anyway, If I minus out the little tiffs and confusing happenings this week has been amazing. I know for a fact I’ve made a friend for life this week someone who won’t let me down. Someone I can trust. 

Now, it’s back to work on Sunday. Back to reality. So I should probably make the most of my last two days off! So I shall go and cycle a potentially dangerous bike for as long as my lungs will let me.

Jodie-Louise xx

TLDR: This week has been crazy. Some scary times but some amazing people. Let’s make the most of it whilst it lasts

I’ve had to let a lot of people down over the past year in order to care for my mother. And it properly upsets me to know that people get pissed off and annoyed at me for not being able to keep to plans and make commitment.

My mother is the simple most important person in my life. And that will never change for as long as I live. I grew up idolising her  and I spent my childhood being in awe of how strong she was to go through what she did and still have a smile on her face at the end of the day. 

Now that she unwell I stick by her side more than ever before. People seem to laugh and tell me she ‘doesn’t have and illness’ or ‘she isn’t sick’ and that may well be very true but I can see it; physically and mentally she is deteriorating  everyday. I try not to talk about it often because it upsets me like you’d not believe but my issue here isn’t what is wrong with her. It’s what I find wrong in the people around me. 

So many people don’t seem to understand why I will often say ‘Sorry I can’t make it today, my mum isn’t having a good day and I need to be here for her’ I understand that I have said it a lot but. She my mother of course she comes first.

Some people are really helpful and many of my friends support me and understand that I have to do what I have to do. But there are still some people who out their often respond with things like ‘Oh, how did I guess’ or ‘Bailing out, real great friend you are’ - Why don’t they understand?

When I was growing up I had a real hard time understanding other kids who said they ‘Hated their mom’ and things such like because I can’t ever imagine why that is plausible. Yeah okay no mother can be perfect all of the time? But that’s your parent. I suppose we all have different views though I guess. 

Wow, I ended up writing waaaay much more than I wanted to soooo…

TLDR; I love my mummy very much and I wish my friends would understand that she comes first especially now.